Dr. Don Colbert: High Tech Douche Machine
I decided to google Dr. Don Colbert to see if my website was in the first page of results, and it’s not (so far). But I did find this ridiculous bit of crab sperm.
If doctors had to identify the deadliest sin affecting Americans today…
I wonder if you know what doctors actually do.
…Dr. Don Colbert, physician and nutritionist, thinks the obesity crisis could be solved if Americans would pause before inhaling a super-sized fast food meal and ask themselves a simple question: “Would Jesus eat this?”
If it’s loaded with saturated fats, sugar or artificial ingredients, the answer is no, says Colbert, whose recent book “What Would Jesus Eat?,” combines biblical scholarship with conventional dietary wisdom.
OK, here’s the thing: What saturated fats, processed sugars, and artificial ingredients did ANYONE living in the first century have access to? This is just as stupid as saying, “Hyuk hyuk, but Isaac Newton was a creationist!” Sure, dick ring, but THERE WERE NO ALTERNATIVES AT THE TIME! Your argument doesn’t work, and you’re a fraud.
Colbert, a Mississippi native who studied for a year at a Bible college as well as training at medical school, said he wrote the book and its companion, “The What Would Jesus Eat Cook Book,” both published by Thomas Nelson, after realizing that many of the fattest Americans are dedicated fundamentalist Christians. “Most people say, `Hey, [sic] it’s important that I live a Christian life, but my body’s not that important,”‘ he said. “They’ll go to heaven, the only problem is, if they neglect their bodies, they’ll go to heaven a lot faster.”
HAHAHAHAHA! “Sure, saving money will help you get rich, but the problem is that if you horde pennies like a miser and sacrifice nonessential luxuries, you’ll get rich a lot faster.”
And Colbert’s not the only Christian diet guru urging people to ask what Jesus would eat. Christian advocates of vegetarianism say if Jesus were alive today, he would maintain a plant-based diet out of compassion for animals. Others say Jesus would probably approve of genetically modified food, given his propensity for transforming and multiplying food. “He was clearly not against the need to alter and change food,” said Arthur Caplan, chair of the department of medical ethics at the University of Pennsylvania, referring to Jesus’ tranformation [sic] of water into wine and his multiplying the loaves and fishes.
You know, if Jesus were alive today, He’d probably force the whole world to listen to Three Ninjas. He was clearly not against the number three, since He rose again after three days. He would love The Ecstasy of Mallard, since there was probably a duck somewhere near Jerusalem during His lifetime. He also would love Going Gay For House, since at one time He lived in a house.
Ok, I’m getting annoyed. I can’t finish. It’s wonderful that no matter what you’re promoting, Jesus agrees with you!
Stumble it!
December 2nd, 2008 at 1:08 pm
That was excellent cross-promotion there, Jason. Disney himself would be impressed! I, myself, am triple-impressed.
This whole “WWJE” bullshit makes me mad. Jesus didn’t eat, he was the son of God! If he ate, then he’d have to digest, and fart, and poop, all of which are sinful human things to do. NO WHERE in the Bible does it mention Jesus actually EATING. Therefore, he did not. The Bible is infallible. Goodbye.
December 2nd, 2008 at 1:10 pm
The Bible also says that Jesus “opened his mouth to speak”. It does NOT say that he moved his lips. That’s why only ventriloquists are going to heaven.
December 2nd, 2008 at 2:20 pm
You are failing to mention that Jesus would LOVE traps.
December 2nd, 2008 at 8:40 pm
I submit that he did indeed eat, but never defecated, ergo he was full of shit.
or.. There is no historical proof of such a mangod, but the myth was a retelling of more ancient stories. since myths don’t eat, he would not eat, therefore one should not eat. Inedia, not cleanliness, is next to godliness.
BTW, a Happy Mythmas season to all!
December 2nd, 2008 at 9:12 pm
“Colbert, a Mississippi native who studied for a year at a Bible college as well as training at medical school,”
So… he didn’t finish med school OR Bible college?
December 2nd, 2008 at 10:05 pm
That’s definitely what it sounds like! And I think the medical school was the now defunct Oral Roberts med school.
December 2nd, 2008 at 11:31 pm
I think Jesus would eat kosher, you know, because he was Jewish and all…
December 3rd, 2008 at 2:16 am
SebastesMan: I submit that you and I would get along somewhat in rl.
Nick: Bible school/college is typically only a year long. Many of my friends have gone to these schools. Some of them are “wilderness” themed. Not at all kidding.
Dinosaur: Rawr.
December 3rd, 2008 at 3:07 pm
Admiral Akbar and Dinosaur Go to the Park
SCENE 1: at the Park
AA: Hey Dinosaur. Welcome to the park! It’s a trap and all that.
D: Rawr! U No it. This place is lame with walkers and such. Can I eat them?
AA: Prolly no, but you can push them out of the way. Like this.
*AA pushes man walking in park*
AA: OUDDA THE WAY, PECK!
D(Laughing): That’s great! Watch this!
* D bites the head of a man walking in the park*
D: OUDDA THE WAY, PECK!
SCENE 2: in Jail
D: I’m sorry, Admiral Akbar. I just got carried away.
AA: It’s okay, Dinosaur. I knew that it was a trap. I just didn’t know that it was the kind of trap where you bite the head of of some dude.
D: Yeah. I can’t believe that you punched that cop that tried to arrest me though.
AA: I didn’t mean to. I though he was a Peck, and I was trying to get him out of the way. I guess I fell for my own trap.
*AA and D Laugh the night away*
SCENE 3: in Court
AA: so there you have it, your honor. We are plainly innocent. I am Admiral Akbar, and this is a Dinosaur.
D: rawr
Judge: Acquitted!
Jury: YAY!
Prosecutor: YAY!
The Reverend Al Sharpton: YAY!
D: I guess things always work out for the best.
AA: They sure do, Dinosaur, they sure do. It’s a Trap.
D: Rawr
FIN
December 3rd, 2008 at 3:40 pm
THAT
WAS
BEAUTIFUL
December 3rd, 2008 at 5:21 pm
best day of my life. Rawr!
January 2nd, 2009 at 11:41 am
Ray,
Good Afternoon! I hope this finds you doing well. I am a believer, so I will make this as constructive as possible. Your sense of reality is scewed and your logic has none.
January 2nd, 2009 at 11:43 am
Who is Ray?
December 5th, 2009 at 1:28 am
Dr Colby looks a very sick person. He looks pale and pasty and does not look healthy. He also gives me the impression he is gay. His wife is the opposite and certainly looks overweight
January 7th, 2010 at 6:18 pm
This is ridiculous. You have no clue about anything you’re talking about.
January 7th, 2010 at 7:01 pm
Can you be more specific?
January 31st, 2010 at 6:20 pm
When you lay your head down on your pillow tonight ask yourself this question? What if there really is a God, who came in the form of a man, (Jesus) who actually said, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No man comes to the Father except by me.” And not only did He come but He left His word (the Bible) and in it gave us a blue print on how we should live - (i.e.) Treat your body as the temple of the Holy Spirit — which includes the knowledge Dr. Colbert gives us in his books. What if? Why is it that any other John Doe can write books and profit, but if a Christian shares his God given knowledge about “any” subject, and does it to make a living, it becomes an abomination? But, back to my original question about God. If “you” are right, and all life is — is how quick and witty you can fire back a response to this, then you can have the last laugh, and I have believed in vain — and Jesus was a fool for dying on the cross. However, if you are wrong and “I” am right, you will need more than your wit on your day of accountability when you kneel before Jesus Christ. Before we find out who has the last word, you might want to take a good long educated look at the evidence (historical and archeological) as to who Jesus was. I recommend the book Evidence That Demands A Verdict by Josh McDowell, because quite frankly, eternity is a very long time to be wring.
January 31st, 2010 at 7:54 pm
Yes, K, I’ve done all that, asked all those questions. I spent most of my life asking those questions and looking for answers, desperately wanting God to be real.
But, sadly, I have found no reasons to believe that God exists or that the Bible is anything special.
And please don’t use Pascal’s Wager. It’s tired of being easily refuted, and I’m tired of hearing people pull it out as though they thought of it themselves.
January 31st, 2010 at 7:55 pm
Also, people who distribute factually incorrect information are routinely the targets of debunking and ridicule, no matter what their religious beliefs. Your desire to be a martyr does not impress me.
January 31st, 2010 at 10:46 pm
Debunking and ridicule? I suppose you hold the authority over what is considered “not factual information.” I really wasn’t trying to be a martyr but I am hoping the Lord will consider your charges as, “persecution for His names sake”– as that renders me “blessed” according to the Bible — but never mind all that since the Bible isn’t anything special to you. Obviously your existential repertoire is vast. Please don’t confuse, however, the wager of Pascal with my very sincere question posed to you. I was not advocating living a life “as if” God exists simply because there’s nothing to lose in doing so. as suggested by Pascal. I merely suggested that you find out for sure — which you say you have spent a lot of time doing. That brings up an entirely different issue, namely, why would God make Himself known to some and not to others? It’s been my experience that those who have the hardest time believing are those that have been hurt the most. I may not be an intellectual match for you but I can guarantee that God (should He exist) is. He knows a person’s heart and whether it’s been hardened, or, is “childlike” in sincerity to truly seek Him. If you’re sincere, Jason, don’t ever give up on the existence question — it’s way too important.
January 31st, 2010 at 10:52 pm
My life is a quest for truth, and I go where the evidence takes me. Simple as that. You have no idea how many times in the last year I have had this exact same conversation. It’s exasperating.
February 1st, 2010 at 8:12 am
Simple as that? Actually it’s as simple as this… When Jesus asked Peter, “Who do you say that I am?” Peter replied, “You are the Christ, the son of the living God.” Jesus then said, “You would not know this were it not for the fact that the Father has revealed it to you.” My point being, God reveals Himself to those who are willing to drop all defenses (as Peter did) and set out to find out just who this Jesus person really is (as Peter did). The book I recommended to you was written by a man who did just that — an atheist who set out to disprove Christianity. On your quest for the truth I hope you’ll check it out, You see, Jason, the reason things are so exasperating for you is because us Christians understand the bottom line is learning to receive Grace. Once you understand grace, you want others to know about it too. It goes beyond just being “right”- which by the way, I understand I cannot win this discussion because this is your blog, and you must have the last word which I know you will prove me right on that. So, I will bow out - still hoping, though, that you will add the McDowell book to your quest for truth. As I said, it’s way too improtant.
February 24th, 2010 at 7:40 pm
OK K….
Please tell me then why the nastiest people I have met claim to be Christian. If people are transformed by salvation I have not seen it. I grew up in a church full of hypocrites and backstabbers. What a testimony.
February 27th, 2010 at 8:48 am
Dear Wondering
I grew up in churches full of hypocrites too — I attend church now, and guess what? It too is full of hypocrites. If I can shed any light on this for you at all, it would be to tell you that we live in a fallen world - it isn’t the way God originally intended it to be, but He has made provision for the problem through Christ. God doesn’t hold a man/woman accountable for the problem of sin in the world. He only holds us accountable if we reject His Son and what was done on the cross. Yes, the church is filled with hypocrites and nasty people - because that’s what kind of people inhabit this planet — sinful ones. There “is,” however, a transforming process that takes place in a persons life once they accept Christ as who He said He was — but it is a process that takes place over the course of a persons life. There are very Godly people “out there” but they are not recognized by the world. They have truly understood what it means to be a servant (which is what Jesus taught) and they are out there serving. They will be among those who are “first” in Heaven, but they are “last” while here in this life. If you look hard enough you will see them. Lastly, Jesus said, “Take up your cross and follow Me.” He said. “Look to Me” He said, “Take My yoke upon you.” The biggest travesty to mankind is that people reject Christianity because they have their eyes on the wrong thing. Instead of discounting Christianity based on how wrongfully humans who call themselves Christians look, look to Christ and put your eyes on Him. He says, “I stand at the door and I knock. If anyone opens the door I will come in.” Again, my point all along has been — people need to find out for themselves who this Jesus really is. If you are sincere, He will bring people, circumstances, reading material or whatever it takes to reveal Himself into your life — you only need to ask Him.
February 27th, 2010 at 9:18 am
I too call myself a “Christ Follower”….much different than the Christian some folks claim to be. Somehow, it always seems people outside organized church look at Christ Followers and find fault….well that is because we live in a fallen world…..we don’t claim to be perfect except through the blood of Christ….who perfects us through his sacrifice on the Cross. Is it hard to believe? Of course it is…..we accept it on simple faith knowing that throughout the years…..the Bible has been preserved and protected…..it is true….we accept in Genesis 1…..In the Beginning God…..
and end it with Revelations. It holds the only truth….God’s truth…but your heart has to be open…..and you must ask for His Holy Spirit to reveal it to you.
January 19th, 2011 at 7:12 pm
I think all of the people who make comments show their stupidity when it comes to actually knowing the truth about Dr. Colbert and the BIBLE. And I bet these people who like to criticize A medical doctor about his education and the topics should (GROW UP AND GET A LIFE) . And I bet all of the above are liberals who like to hear lies about themselves so they don’t have to face reality….
January 19th, 2011 at 8:50 pm
Do you have anything to add to the conversation, or do you just have insults to make you feel better about yourself?
January 25th, 2011 at 6:31 pm
jason i dont need to insult people like you do with your stupid remarks about a Doctor who you dont even know. And if you unintelligent people would actually say something useful instead of insults maybe you would not have to spend all of your time insulting a Doctor with all of your childish liberal remarks… SO GET A REAL LIFE…. IDIOTS… Oh by the way jason if you dont have the guts to tell him in person keep your opinion to yourself. You only show your ignorance.
January 27th, 2011 at 10:12 am
Oh.
January 27th, 2011 at 10:32 am
jason i am frankly surprised at how often your wit and charm is used to mask your underlying intellect. i am very disappoint in people liek you who carefully research and conduct factual investigation for finding a truth.
furthermore i think it is very sad how you give a fair chance to both sides of argument, and ultimately pick a best side based on reason.
oh wait, those are good things, and you are a hero
January 27th, 2011 at 10:40 am
jason i eat farts