The Gospel According To California
Matthew 8:5-11
5When Jesus had entered Capernaum, a centurion came to him, asking for help. 6“Lord,” he said, “my servant lies at home paralyzed and in terrible suffering.”
7Jesus said to him, “I will go and heal him.”
8The centurion replied, “Lord, I do not deserve to have you come under my roof. But just say the word, and my servant will be healed. 9For I myself am a man under authority, with soldiers under me. I tell this one, ‘Go,’ and he goes; and that one, ‘Come,’ and he comes. I say to my servant, ‘Do this,’ and he does it.”
10When Jesus heard this, he suddenly realized that this person lived in ways that were perfectly legal, but with which Jesus did not agree. 11Jesus turned to the centurion and said, “Meh, let him die.”
Fuck you, California. I don’t love you anymore.
Stumble it!
November 5th, 2008 at 10:55 am
I’m gonna smash something over this one, I just know it.
November 5th, 2008 at 10:56 am
Maybe we can all line up on the east side of the San Andreas fault push.
November 5th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
agreed. also fuck florida, arkansas and arizona.
Rawr.
November 5th, 2008 at 1:55 pm
This whole thing is a trap. I’m never getting married in CA, gay or not.
November 5th, 2008 at 1:57 pm
Better safe than sorry, AA.
November 5th, 2008 at 2:08 pm
As a Californian who voted agains prop H8, I can tell you a lot of us are pretty upset. What you have to realize is that there was a concerted effort by grouple like Focus on Hate (The Family) who bought tons and tons of air time. There are a lot of people who are swayed by “restore the definition” and other lame arguments.
November 5th, 2008 at 2:10 pm
If they’re going to “restore the definition”, why don’t they really restore it? I want to move to California to buy someone’s thirteen year old daughter, and I want concubines. Vote by The Book, California!
(fuck California)
November 5th, 2008 at 2:17 pm
While you’re at it, fundies, here are some other definitions we should restore:
science (lol, get it?)
republican
democrat
wanton
bitch
cool
embark
(fuck California, except SebastesMan)
November 5th, 2008 at 2:18 pm
(and Summer Glau)
November 5th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
Oh, and here is an insanely ironic quote from Prop H8 co-chair Frank Schubert:
“Now, if they want to legalize gay marriage, what they should do is bring an initiative themselves and ask the people to approve it. But they don’t. They go behind the people’s back to the courts and try and force an agenda on the rest of society.”
Uh huh.
November 5th, 2008 at 3:08 pm
I like that you called me AA.
November 5th, 2008 at 3:17 pm
*star destroyer comes online unexpectedly*
November 5th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
OH JEEZ NOT *THAT* TRAP AGAIN!
November 5th, 2008 at 6:57 pm
I hear a kazoo and a slide whistle every time Akbar mentions a trap. Every. God. Damn. Time.
I am ashamed to have been born in California. From now on, I was born in British Columbia because my mother had a craving for Poutine and she wanted the real deal. That’s what happened.
November 5th, 2008 at 10:09 pm
I didn’t realize you were born in California. Does this mean we have to start fighting?
Also, I didn’t realize your mom was gay. This must really hit home for you.
November 6th, 2008 at 11:01 am
My birth mother was gay?
But yes, we have to fight. Flatulence at 5 paces.
November 6th, 2008 at 11:06 am
She’s not? Then what’s poutine?
November 6th, 2008 at 11:17 am
Poutine (Quebec French pronunciation putsɪn) is a dish consisting of French fries topped with fresh cheese curds, covered with brown gravy and sometimes additional ingredients. [1] The freshness of the curds is important as it makes them soft in the warm fries, without completely melting. It is a quintessential Canadian comfort food, especially, yet not exclusively among Québécois and Maritime Acadian Canadians.
Definitely not poontang. That would have been awkward.
November 6th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
Slide whistle ready? Engage! It’s a trap. (whooooooo–oooooooooi)